for my forbidden man
yes you are right
i am lonely
lonelyness is my old friend
enemy
and my biggest fan
it has been a part of my life
no one realize it
but you
the lonelyness that made you saw me
kept questions
talked about me
then knew me
the lonelyness that became the beginning of our in-the-middle-of-nowhere
but it was just the beginning, beib…
it wast just the start line
after i left that line
and walked along the way with you
i feel comfort
that’s the reason
i stay
i never thought having more than i have now
not even in my dream
there is a huge and thick glass wall between us
bordering us
we can see each other
but we can’t touch
now
after those days without you
i realize
again
even in my lonelyness
i still can feel you
i won’t ask for more
my forbidden man
stay untouchable
that’s our way
the way
the way is long - let us go together
the way is difficult - let us help each other
the way is joyful - let us share it
the way is ours alone - let us go in love
the way grows before us - let us begin
Uncategorized | Comments (3)got me thinking
gw sering berpikir ttg hidup gw. lebih tepatnya merenung. ttg apa yg udh gw lakuin, apa jalan yg harus gw lalui emg ky gini, ato gw yg terlalu pandai utk ngelakuin hal2 bodoh n ngambil keputusan2 bodoh makany jd ky gini? i did fool things. i did a lot of fool things. and i know i still will. tp dr hal-hal bodoh yg gw lakuin itu gw bnyk bljr. bljr utk g mengulang kesalahan yg sama. bljr utk jd lbh bijak ngambil keputusan. bljr utk mikir segala possibilities yg mgkn trjd klo gw melakukan sesuatu. tp g jarang jg gw ngulang kesalahan yg sama lg dan lg. mgkn emg dasarnya gw ahli dlm hal2 bodoh kli y? hehehe…
gw jg senang denger pengalaman hidup org lain. bnyk yg bisa gw pelajari. salah satunya klo gw lg pny mslh yg sm dgn yg prnh gw denger, gw jd pny referensi what-to-do-in that-situation. walopun setiap org pasti pny cara pandang dan cara nyelesaiin mslh yg beda2. saperti waktu temen gw putus dr cowonya. dia nangis2 bombay berhari-hari, hampir sebulan, ngumpet di kamar, males ngapa2in, curhatnya jg g abis2. dan waktu gw kena mslh yg sm, which is putus dr cowo gw, gw jd tau apa yg hrs gw lakuin. tp cara temen gw ternyata g cocok buat gw. gw g bisa nangis lama2 buat cowo. gw nangis jg sih, tp cm uummm.. kynya cm seminggu deh. hehehe… it was hurt. wajar dong klo nangis. at least g selama temen gw. gw jg g ngumpet di kamar. gw lebih milih jln2 ke luar kota. pgn nyari suasana yg beda, nenangin pikiran skalian hunting cowo baru. ;p
baru aja kemarin gw dengar cerita ttg hidup org lain yg bikin gw mikir bnyk hal. dosen gw yg cerita pas kul bedah. dosen gw spesialis bedah mulut. dia pernah dpt kasus seorg wanita yg menderita tumor ganas di mulutnya. wanita, sudah menikah, dengan 1 suami (yaiyalah!). salah satu treatment utk tumor ganas adalah kemoterapi. hal yang mempersulit kasus ini wanita itu lg hamil. sulit karena kalo dia di-kemo bayinya pasti mati, sedangkan klo dia tidak di-kemo dia yg mati. metastasis tumor ganas cepat banget. dokter hrs secepatnya ngelakuin tindakan. g mgkn nunggu soalnya waktu kelahiran bayinya msh lama. it’s hard but they have to choose. kemudian si suami datang ke dokter yg ngerawat istrinya a.k.a dosen gw, bw uang sekantung plastik besar, sekitar ratusan juta, sambil mnt dokter utk selamatin anaknya. he made the decision. then he left. oops, the correct one is he’s gone. he left and never came back. itu terakhir kalinya dia ke rumah sakit. dia gak pernah datang lg bahkan ketika istri dan bayinya meninggal. yup, they both died. and the other hard fact to know, uang yg sekantung plastik besar itu ternyata adalah setengah dr hasil penjualan rumah mereka. guess where the other half was.
it is a real story. so real story.
stlh dgr cerita itu gw mikir, "apa sih yg ada di otak tu laki smp bisa setega itu? apa dia g pny ide lain y? ato jgn2 dia emg pny otak makanya g bisa mikir ide apapun? di saat2 istrinya sangat butuh dia, yg mungkin adlh saat2 terakhir dia hidup, dia malah menghilang. apa dia pikir dengan ninggalin uang sebanyak itu tanggung jawabnya selesai gt aja?" gw jd semakin bnyk mikir n sadar.
ternyata kalimat janji "bersama, dalam susah maupun senang" yg diucapin pas pernikahan gak selalu berlaku di dunia nyata.
ternyata seseorang yg kita nikahi, yg (mgkn) kita cintai dan yg (sepertinya) jg cinta sm kita, bisa berubah jd makhluk g pny perasaan. (mgkn) dan (sepertinya), soalnya kita g pernah bnr2 bisa tau hati seseorg kecuali org itu sendiri dan Tuhan.
ternyata pernikahan g menjamin kebahagiaan, g menjamin cinta lo bakalan awet smp maut memisahkan. i know life is about facing problems. and marriage makes problems 10 times bigger. there are problems to make us think, learn and become wiser. the more you wise then you could handle problems wisely. but how much people facing their problem and become wiser instead of running from it? problems could be very hard, but to be that hurt?
gw gak bilang gw g suka sm pernikahan
gw cm underestimate
not with marriage
not with love
but with the man
i just realize
how man could be so nice
and how they could be so mean
they could turn your dream about "life happily ever after" to a hell freaky life
and i hate
the fact
that
i can not live without them
i am still thinking
what-to-do-in-that-situation
Uncategorized | Comments (4)